Tuesday 24 May 2016

I'm sure you mean well but please...just don't.

As I am now at the beginning of the third trimester i'm starting to get tired, a little grumpy and a tad "ranty" because as I get further along my bump is once again - as is what happens when you are pregnant - becoming more obvious and starting to draw attention.

I'm not sure if it's because I look like a child pregnant with a child, or if it's because nobody's ever seen a short ass pregnant lady before. Either way, the looks, comments, and pointing of strangers (at my belly) gets old pretty quick.

When I was pregnant with Ella, I got so many comments from people who, I'm guessing, thought they somehow had the right to comment on the size of my bump - when in reality, they had no such right. Some of the comments I received were along the lines of "Are you sure there aren't more than one in there?" (The classic question a lot of pregnant women get asked) or "When are you due?" and when I gave my reply of "10 weeks" I got the bewildered reply of "are you sure?" I am yet to recieve those comments this time around but I think that is probably because I'm only just heading into my third trimester and baby is yet to have packed on the pounds - there is plenty of time yet. 

I can understand that the people who say these things don't intend on causing any offence (or at least I hope) and they are intended in a more jovial, joking way but when you receive comments like that everytime you leave the house it's enough to make you want to just stay at home and hibernate.

"Why" you may ask "do you find these offensive?". For a starters, unless you are 100% sure that a woman is pregnant it's really best not to ask because for all you know I could have been carrying leftovers from my last pregnancy or I could be suffering from a medical condition that made my tummy swollen and enlarged. 

Secondly, when you tell an exhausted, hormonal pregnant women (or insinuate) that she is either really big or really small it can be taken quite personally. You see, we are well aware of what size we are. We spend a good nine months growing a human being, going through all the joys pregnancy brings, bearing all the stretchmarks that little person creates on our bodies and we look in the mirror each day and notice how big or small we are all whilst counting down the days until we are no longer pregnant. WE ARE WELL AWARE. You may think it's helpful or funny to point it out but as a matter of fact it bloody well is NOT!

As women in general, we tend to be very critical of ourselves and the way we look. When we're pregnant it tends to be a lot worse. I know I have days where I don't feel great about myself and when you're just feeling HUGE and a complete stranger (or even worse, someone you consider family or a friend) comes up to you just to comment on your size, and by doing so, just re-enforces the fact that you really are HUGE! Sometimes, it even happens on those days when you leave the house feeling pretty good about yourself and like you are in fact rocking your bump only for someone to pass a comment that completely brings you back down to earth. It doesn't feel good. It sucks. It can hurt and you sure as hell don't forget it in a hurry.

I'm not quite sure why people seem to be so surprised by the size of a pregnant woman's belly, it's enough to make you think they don't know much about the birds and the bees. After all, when you conceive a child and carry it for nine months, generally, your stomach increases in size to accommodate said child.

So, please if you are the sort of person that likes to comment on the size of a pregnant woman's tummy... PLEASE! JUST DON'T. We don't enjoy it. For, we know we are quite big or quite small. We are sure (unless you are actually carrying twins) there is just one in there - thanks to the accuracy of scan technology these days. We know the size of our ass is getting bigger, or we're retaining water. We know exactly when we are due, because we spend most of the nine months counting down the weeks until our baby arrives. We know we look tired, or exhausted because fact of the matter is being pregnant IS tiring and exhausting.

If you really MUST say something, or you just can't help yourself, why don't you offer a compliment instead? Wouldn't that be nice? Something along the lines of "Congratulations, you look great!". Instead of criticising, or making jokey comments why not compliment her? I know it would sure as hell make her day and put a little spring in her step to help her get through each day of a very long and tiring 9 month journey.

1 comment:

  1. Oh hell yes, I feel you on this one! I carried SO BIG with all my babies, and every person I ever came across had to comment on it. I got so used to the "it must be twins haha" bulls***t, but was pretty shocked when someone suggested I was carrying TRIPLETS. Not cool.
    Also, just a couple of months ago someone assumed I was pregnant... I was not. So, yes. Just shut up, people!

    P.S. I quit sugar and have dropped heaps of weight and now no one thinks I'm pregnant. Silver lining, lol.